366 days ago, over 4,000 zombies - I mean, people - visited the submarine. 1 day ago, only 1,700 showed up. What explains the difference? Perhaps it is the powerful anti-People field I have developed as a natural defense against Stupidity. But, hey, the fewer, the merrier.
"Expert" financial analysts on the evening news crack me up. "Well, we've seen an incredible rebound in consumer confidence in the past two days, thanks to strong retail sales. It looks like the cheaper Multi-Marts are going to attract more business than the expensive department stores this year. People sure are responding to those early holiday discounts. Oh, and did I mention that the sky is blue and white?"
Meanwhile, He-Who-Was-Not-Elected sneaks in another slash at the federal payroll. By this point, I'm just kind of sad. It's like watching a bomb explode in super slo-mo, and I'm one of it's many victims; powerless to stop it, yet doomed to be a witness. I hope for a brighter future.