I propose a new department within the government, a Department of Human Decency. The DHD would be responsible for distributing the new Common Sense License, which would be required for appearing, at any time and in any circumstance, in public. The CSL could be attained through passing a Common Sense Test, or by graduating from a 40 hour class. Either way, the requirements for setting foot in public areas would be:
1. A person must bathe at least once every 48 hours, using real soap and shampoo (unless they have no hair, in which case the shampoo requirement could be waved).
2. A person must brush their teeth and/or use mouthwash at least twice every 24 hours.
3. No man or woman will be allowed to use and then exit a public restroom without washing their hands with soap and hot water.
4. No man or woman will be allowed to abuse, verbally or physically, theirs or any other child.
5. In order to qualify for a CSL, one must provide documented proof that they participate in some form of voluntary or community recycling program, if such is available in their area of residence.
6. If any CSL holder is caught dropping litter on the ground, their license shall be immediately forfeit. If they drop it within clear view of a trash can, there shall be a $50 fine as well.
7. No man or woman will be allowed to use profanity (fuck, shit, bitch, hell, etc.) in the presence of any child 16 years of age or younger.
8. All holders of a CSL will be required to vote in state and national elections.
Common sense, as we are so fond of saying is no longer common but indecently rare. The number of people I deal with in my line of work that violate at least one of the above rules (and, on occasion, all of them within five minutes) is far too high, and it has become apparent that people no longer feel responsible for themselves. It might seem a bit extreme to try and legislate something like bathing, but until we get this down pat for a few generations, it's the only way to make sure everyone does it.