I forgot, for the few days that I had the dorm/apartment to myself, that I really dislike college kids. And that's what I'm surrounded by. Good intentions quite aside, they're all so damn young, I can't help but feel out of place. Although, so far I haven't really found anywhere that I feel totally in place, except working on the Submarine, so I suppose I'll be screwed in the "fitting in" department for a while.

Here is my guide for visiting the Submarine.

1. Do not come intending to learn anything. Instead, come so that you may reaffirm all your old, incorrect beliefs about our military.
2. Be fat. Or at least overweight. That will make crawling through the watertight hatches that much more interesting.
3. Mention your claustrophobia. Even if you have never experienced it before, and can't describe what you fear, you are probably claustrophobic. Best to admit it now.
4. Make pronouncements regarding things you do not understand. Especially if you're with other people and want to appear knowlegable in front of them. This will make it easier for me to shoot you down and put you in your ignorant place.
5. Ignore the sign on the quarterdeck, stragegically placed directly in front of you, that says not to touch any of the onboard equipment. This way, you may touch all the onboard equipment that you desire, freed by your ignorance.
5a. Ignore the sign on the quarterdeck, also placed directly in front of you, that says to finish food or drink before coming on board. See above for reasoning.
6. Come by the submarine after we close in the evening, so that you can complain that we're closed. That one makes me laugh heartily.

This is based on the Standard Operating Proceedures that most visitors seem to use. No doubt I'll be adding to it in the near future.

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