I'm very glad when I find links like this one, because it's almost painfully poetic. Whether Twain really wrote this or not, it's a simple yet brilliant indictment of the brainless, holy outrage that seems to have gripped much of our nation, and the Administration in particular.

Today in the computer lab, I am working with a boy. He told me a story about how after 9/11, his high school's computer network administrator denied him the unfettered access to it's server that he had previously enjoyed. So in retaliation, he uses a crude device to blow out all the network cards in their library, denying the school even the basics of internet access.

Take that, Man!

I mainly just feel kind of sad when such a display of short-sightedness is relayed to me. I hope this kid grows up.

The search for enlightenment is a rough one. Fry could only attain it after exactly 100 cups of coffee, a feat to which I am not totally opposed. Such a concentration of chemical energy in one person at one time would surely be enough to bend all of time and space? The ancient ones say that if you name what you are looking for, you will forever be lost. Well, I've been trying like hell to get the actual Korean version of Shaolin Soccer, which Wonko introduced me to whilst I was away in Colorado. From what I hear, the Americanised dubbed version is terrible, although it will be available for viewing in a large movie theater at some point.

So it's taken a while to find a Mac KaZaa client that I feel comfortable using, and even then I ended up downloading it from eDonkey. Which I may or may not be able to finish on Sunday when I work another endless shift in the computer lab.

Speaking of work, Tak is behaving like a stressed, well, manager. So once I have found Enlightenment, I should follow the advice of the sages and, "Be mindful of saving all beings and steadfastly endure the attendant hardship and toil in order to serve as a boat on the ocean of all-knowledge." I don't think I've ever understood stress properly. I mean, I know what it feels like, but why dwell on it? Why let it control you? Even night and day are illusions, so why do we feel shitty when we can't control the circumstances surrounding us?

Ah well. I need to find a better way to articulate this. The wisdom of the sages is not the most accessbile medium.

So, my sis Aisling returned from the Land of Erin yesterday. Apparently, everything in Ireland is better than it is here. Not bigger, or faster, or more convinient. Just better.

There are no SUV's. Or trucks. Or vans. Or "mini" vans. There are no billboards every dozen yards telling you to buy something awful. There are no marketing departments expending thousands of hours to come up with ever more clever ways to sell you awful things.

People there are not trained from birth to believe that everyone else in the world will rob them. People there trust you, and it is perfectly safe to trust them. People there do not feel a sense of entitlement to everything they've ever thought they wanted.

Meals there are comprised of good, real food. The idea of "fast food" is an insult. There is one McMeaty's Tasty Burger Joint in Dublin, and no where else. Waiters at restaraunts do not insult you by asking every ten minutes if you need something, and they expect you to take your time dining with them.

It is a similar lifestyle, but a completely different philosophy on how to live it. There is no eat then rush to your 9-5 then rush home then eat then fuck then sleep then wake up and do it all again for fourty years.

America may be industrious, but it's at the expense of, and not for the sake of, life. We've got it completely backwards.

This article, ironically brought to my attention via Anytown's more liberal daily newspaper, is one of the most twisted things ever written. Not so much because it's sickening (although for a certain reactionary subset, it would be) but because it is completely thoughtless. There is no substantive argument at all, beyond the knee-jerk statement "they're winning we're losing." Apparently civilisation is a zero-sum game in this woman's world.

I fully support everyone's freedom of speech, but that doesn't mean I'm not disappointed when someone wastes it thus.

On the way back from Jersey with Tak, we spied many amusing roadsigns. The pictures, by and large, came out remarkably clearly for being taken through the window of a moving car (Tak's Jetta, Gretta). The best one, though, was the back of a dump truck that had written across it's top, in black on gold letters, "Think."

Good advice.

I really hate to say it, but they brought it on themselves. Our regular soldiers have every reason to be royally pissed off about being forced to stay in country when our government clearly doesn't know how to bring them home or fix the nasty fucking mess they just made. But you don't call your commander in cheif a douchebag. No matter how much he may deserve it.

And this is certainly not what they signed up for. If it were clear that the U.S. was in the process of rebuilding a torn country and implementing a real and lasting representative government, then these losses would be acceptable as the price of freedom from Saddam. These kids joined the Army to kick ass and preserve their country and their ideals, but their blood is being wasted by an inept administration, and every true patriot should be outraged.

In the middle of August I shall don the uniform of the officer corps of our country's Navy. I will swear an oath to protect our nation and our way of life, and I shall willingly submit to all the new regulations I shall have to live by. But I shall also continue to use this blog to freely express my opinions and share my knowledge. Should be interesting.

Sometimes I can't help feeling that there's nothing special at all about people. We behave so much like cattle that it's impossible to be angry with stupid behaviour. You don't get pissed at a cow for being dense, you just let it be and work around it. That's how I've come to feel about most of the people who visit the Submarine. Although there are generally one or two exceptions, people file through the torpedo room, call them missiles, and, satisfied that they've learned something, move along.

This Administration is burying itself, I can feel it. The way Tenet laid his crown upon the chopping block smacks of higher authority stepping in, and now certain congressmen are asking for an investigation into Cheney's role in manipulating intelligence results for the good of the War. This is one ship I would be delighted to witness sinking, rats and all.

The question is, who will step up and fill the Leadership Gap? A Democrat? Not as of this week in history.

Zen Man Liam -

You have only begun to travel the Way. Your judgment and your life are still clouded by desire for people and things and circumstances, and thus you make yourself a slave to that which you do not have. Your mind still casts about with energy into all places but itself, and thus the source is never quiet. The Way to non-effort is for you a great effort against yourself, and thus you shall forever miss the point.

Do not strive for patience, for the word itself implies a boundary which can be broken. Strive instead for peace, which is limitless, and live in peace every moment of the day and night. Only then will you discover that the nature for all beings is the same, whether they understand it or not.

Cease your judgment of others. Cease your judgement of things. Cease your judgment of circumstances. The past is gone and the future has not happened, therefore the only moment that exists is now. To live anywhere but now is to not really exist. And lastly, follow your own advice.

---

I just wanted to put this on the record. My inner monk decided to write a letter to my daily personage, and I guess there's a bigger disconnect between the two than I like to believe. Oh well. We're never done growing.

For the sake of the Record:

From June 22 to 29, I was in sunny Beach City, USA, at the family retreat. Spent plenty of time on the ocean kayaking through minefields of jellyfish and drinking lots of frozen bucket-mix margaritas.

From June 30 to July 4, worked. Solid. July 4 celebration on the Submarine was spectacular. It is literally not possible to be closer to a fireworks display in the city of Anytown than our crew was. They put on quite a show.

From July 5 to 9, went Home home to Colorado. Hung with the original Crew, hit all the old Haunts, and bled out the nose every single day thanks to the altitude and complete lack of humidity. Even though my father's car broke itself before we left the airport and remained broken for the duration of my stay (until 45 minutes before we had to drive 75 miles to get to the airport), it was another blast.

From July 11-12, drove to New Jersey with Tak for a CKY concert. Their last of the year, happened to fall on the evening just prior to Tak's birthday, so we pulled off a Road Trip that turned out to be brief but excellent fun. The Holiday Inn we stayed at hooked us up with King Size beds and free 'net access. The venue for the concert was tiny and cramped and incredibly hot, but the lads put on a good show.

So. Back to life.

Ooooh, the archives are back! Hooray for the new Blogger!

Seven full days of sand and sun have changed nothing about my temperament. It's awfully hot out, you see, and I spend as much time in the water as seems prudent. The rest is spent reading and drinking and eating and sleeping.

This article is good.

There are no clouds, and the water is absolutely perfect for every kind of activity. The entire family is planning to come back here for Thanksgiving, when the tourist season is beginning it's low ebb. I think that's brilliant.

Well, here's the reaction I was talking about. You can read it for yourself, but it's almost as pitiful as the Chinese in my last post. "...Expressing themselves toward a free Iran"?!? What the holy fuck does that mean? This is the best that the leader of the free world, the original large-scale democratic experiment, the world's sole cultural and economic and military superpower, can come up with?

I told Aisling and mum yesterday that I had come to a decision (only partially influenced by beer. Stop looking at me like that.). There are plenty of things in this world to be thankful for and excited about; new medicines, people doing all kinds of volunteer work, these pro-democracy protests in Iran, et cetera. But, taken together with all the Nasty Shit that's going down, like the Afghanistan/Iraq nation building debacle, our contracts with Bectel and Halliburton, the sharp drop in tolerance for American stupidity around the globe, and basically everything else this un-elected administration has it's hands in, I think we can safely say that the bad outweighs the good. H.S. Thompson himself said our generation will be the first in American history to have a lower standard of living than our parents. In other words, things are actively and measureably getting worse, and almost no one seems to care. Anyone with a functioning brain and the willingness to use it can say that there's really nothing, on balance, to be happy about.

Fight the Power Bands. We'll get our chance someday.

I love a good dose of Engrish: "Welcome to Chinese Restaurant. Please try your Nice Chinese Food With chopsticks the traditional and typical of Chinese glorious history. and cultural."

Also, it appears that Iran is experiencing some real uprisings. The best links to news and other Iranian blogs are right here. Anxious to know about the Bush administration's reaction to all this? Yeah, not sure there's been one.

"Just because you feel it, doesn't mean it's there..."

It takes me a good week to digest a new album of music from an artist like Radiohead. There's no easy way to do it. Each song has a story that you have to listen for, a unique pattern that must be deciphered before it can be appreciated. Lyrically this one's a gem, and there are a few songs I already really like.

I detest the idea that I could ever be happy to be rid of a person, but today I am happy that my former boss has finally left the boat. Several months ago he was fired from his position as Submarine Coordinator. Now, the common practice when one is fired from a job is to spend the ensuing time searching for another one. This he did, but not with any great enthusiasm, and in the meantime he kept hanging around our workplace until the head of the whole department took pity on and granted him 20 hours a week to be a "maintenance consultant." He took this as carte blanche to screw around in his old office for a few days a week and get paid while doing absolutely no real maintenance work on our 1,500 ton submarine (that's quite a bit of boat).

In fact, in his ten years of working on the Sub, I think I only ever saw him do real, actual work on two occasions. Add to this the fact that he managed to talk trash about everyone else on the boat (I'm proud to say that I'm an "inept leftist") and we were all glad when he finally left. Now my friend Tak is the Skipper, and we can get some real work done.

The stifling humidity has returned to Anytown, and I welcome it. Mainly because everyone else here seems to really detest the weather, no matter what it is. We had a micro-storm today that blew out windows in our parent building, and by the time they had new glass for them the sky was free of menacing clouds and the sun shone brightly on a scene of minor destruction.

Today and tomorrow are National Ocean Week, and ain't it great that people get to tour our Submarine? I'm having an extreme allergic reaction to People, which is making it difficult for me to do my job. They seem extremely noisy today, for some reason, and smelly.

My religion requires me to wear the bloody skull of a freshly killed mountain lion on my face whenever I appear in public. Therefore, I should be allowed to wear one for my driver's license photo. Otherwise, it's religious discrimination.

Honestly, the ACLU has done some good things, but they also tend to promote the goofiest ideals. I'm not going to apologise for it; if you come to our country and want to live as a citizen, you're gonna have to play by the rules no matter your sensibilities.

Jeezus, how do you fix a broken Human Being? Moreover, should you even try? Experience tells me No, any interference in another person's life is more trouble for the both of you than it's worth. As with all things, no one has a lock on the truth, but there are some times when it's quite obvious that the psyche is not functioning in a healthy manner. I want there to be a good way to help someone else help themselves without sounding like I'm trying to change them or dispensing wisdom from a vending machine. I will give what I can when asked, I will not judge, and I will continue to do the one thing I've always been good at, setting an example.

In the end, I suppose, you have to want to change yourself.

"I think Reagan's policies were right. He got the economy going in the 80's."
-William Kristol, editor of The Weekly Standard

What universe are these people from? Saying that Reaganomics were good for America is like saying that Imperialism was good for England.

Selfless giving is one of the central concepts of Zen. It should be the central concept in any relationship. There is no quid pro quo between true friends, there is only thanks and generosity. It's good advice.

I had a dream that I was at Tak's apartment (in reality she has a house, but that didn't seem to matter to my subconscious mind) and we were taking things out of our car and she tried to take Pallas (my 17" PowerBook) out but she dropped it and the screen broke off. I was very perturbed and said something like "No! Godammit Tak, give it back to me!" And we started arguing about whose fault it was as I gathered up the peices.

I was told last night at a barbeque by a boozy bored housewife that I have sexy curly hair for a man. She had to be in her early thirties, but was acting like a complete sorrority whore flake, so it was mildly amusing. Also in attendance were Daniel-Son and his GF Mona, with whom I share a close rapport. I could go into a long rant here about how this Flake insulted Mona and I by asking a host of questions about our relationship, but I have another family function to go to very shortly, so I'll just say one more thing.

The BBQ last night was a going away party for a coworker. Our Submarine tends to attract a unique kind of character, usually one or two steps above the regular Joe, so whenever one of us leaves it drops the Decency Quotient of the city of Anytown by a measurable margin. David, you will be missed, and Good Luck in the City of Wind.

Hrmmm... using Safari to update my Blog seems to kill the archive links. This is most disappointing.

To balance that, though, a Mayan woman whom I work with on the Submarine reminded all of us that Ari "Demon Spawn" Fleischer has resigned from Dubya's turnip truck. Does anyone remember when Karen Hughes left? Well I do, dammit, and there was much rejoicing amongst the Liberal punditry, as well as Right Thinking People Everywhere. For years, we have had to endure this mans smarmy lecturing about President Bushs' "message," which has always been emphasized over his substance, which is nothing.

We could have elected the Sta-Puff Marshmallow Man to office, and with men like Ari Fleischer to interface with the public we would never have known what we were missing. It's a small victory, for there are a hundred clones ready to fill in for this most influential position. And, AND it is contrary to the Way to delight or dismay in one's circumstances. So I will mark this passing as I mark the setting of the sun, with serenity and understanding. But first, a shot of whiskey with the family to celebrate.

"The best way for America to be a hopeful place, the best way for America to be a -- the land of opportunity we want it to be is for neighbor to love neighbor just like you'd like to be loved yourself."

The choicest line from Dubya's speech was revealed to me at Confederacy of Dunces. His speech is riddled with nonsense like this, and people still think he's an excellent speaker? He's one of the least coherent people on the planet!

Gah. What would the Zen approach to this madness be? First, don't react emotionally. That's the sign that you're allowing your Self to be manipulated by circumstances.

Speaking of Zen, the Quote Of The Day for the submarine came when a 13 year-old boy passed by the shower stalls: "Daaaamn... there ain't no room to get with the ladies in here."

Does anyone else think it was incredibly stupid for Al-Qaida to send suiciders to Egypt? I mean, if they really want the support of the moderate Arab population in this crusade against the Infidels, isn't it kind of counterproductive to blow up people on both sides? All it proves is that these "martyrs" are only interested in glory for themselves, and in killing. This has less to do with God than it does power.

And what's the most extreme thing a Buddhist has ever done to protest? Light himself on fire? Let's just dump this proto-Christian bullshit; Islam, Judaism, Christianity, isn't it all the same God? A fat lot of good all this "faith" has done the world.

Konfabulator is fabulous fun. Now I finally have an attractive front end for iTunes and a miniature Gir dances to the music. One of the problems that I ran in to with this 17" screen is that I always felt like I was wasting all this usable space, but now a series of useful Widgets occupies about 1/5 of the left hand side where my Dock is, and the rest of the screen is full of Productivity.

Boring boring blah blah blahhhhhhhhhhhhh... dammit. Okay, a little Philosophy 101: ask anyone who believes in God if they think that He is All Knowing. Then ask them if they also believe that they as humans have free will. Logically, the two are mutually exclusive, because if God is timeless and knows the past, present, and future, then he knows exactly what you are going to be doing in the next instant. But if the future is knowable, then it is also pre-determined, which rules out freedom of action. I had this conversation with Aisling and Daniel-Son at 8:40 A.M. on our way to work (we're carpooling hippies) which was stimulating and refreshing. We also made fun of Calvinists.

I'm extremely disappointed about the news that Aaron Sorkin will not be returning to write The West Wing for the next season. With the tremendous plotline they started, I think that's a damned shame, for I fear that no one will be able to replace the wit and intelligence he infused the show with. Mr. S, you will be missed. But kudos to John Goodman for being scary and belligerent.

The fine folks at Blogger are transmuting the service into something more reliable, so perhaps the archives will be fixed soon. If not, I might actually have to write someone and email about it...

Tak sent me this madness. Am I surprised? No. Disturbed? No. Entertained?

Mildly.

Me mum made a point about religion the other day that was prompted by the news that a woman had nearly shot her son to death following a spiritual crisis. I was reminded of it also when Dave Letterman had as guests those two helo pilots who were shot down in Iraq. When asked why they were still alive, both replied "God."

Anyway, here's the point. When your sense of self and happiness relies almost completely on some external source of support, whether it's God or a lover or a bag of Chee-Tos, the second that source fails you (which always happens), you're hosed. When you pray and pray and pray and God doesn't respond via text message, or your lover leaves you for a hoe-bag jazzercise instructor, or the fat in your arteries causes your blood pressure to skyrocket, these are purely external problems. External to your sense of Self, which very few people seem interested in developing. It's hard to admit that the only person who can ever really make you happy is yourself, because we've been taught that such an attitude is selfish. Well, I say it's more selfish to depend on others to make you feel good.

If your happiness depends on the circumstances of your life, then you will always be a victim. There is nothing more pathetic than a person who believes that God has failed them, and nothing scarier than a person who believes that God works for them.

There's really no good reason for me to be here, typing anything at all. What I should be doing is sleeping. Hey, that sounds like a real neat idea.

Now here comes the shocker: for once my mind is blank. Or, more precisely, it is not actively seeking distraction, which is what most people devote their lives to. Shit, is that true? What do we need to be distracted from?

This SPAM was so fabulous that I just had to share it:

"Exhausted of dating spoiled women?" Then the message is just a bunch of jibberish, which might have been designed to work malignantly on the soft pink underbelly of someone's vulnerable system, but since I'm on OSX 10.2.6, I've nothing to fear from these minions of Lucifer. Eat my BSD shorts, suckwads!

"The Bush administration has backed a bill before Congress that would exempt the Pentagon and defense contractors from environmental regulations requiring the cleanup of toxic waste, saying that compliance would hinder military readiness. Hearings are to begin next week."

-USA Today (full article)

Hey, aren't we supposed to be the good guys? I'd like to see the text of this legislation myself. Lemme see if I can find it tomorrow.

An excellent film: Better Luck Tomorrow. A typical coming-of-age high school teen flick, except this one - unlike everything to come out of Hollywood in the past decade - is actually really good. The characters are fairly stereotypical, but for once I'm okay with that. I knew guys like this in high school, everyone did. Sometimes, stereotypes exist for a reason. But the real power comes from how you're drawn into the world of the main character, however outlandish his situation might seem to most of us.

Also, I really dig the fact that there was no nice and tidy wrap-up at the end. Plenty of issues are left unresolved, and we are allowed to imagine for ourselves how things will turn out for our protagonists. It was a breath of cinematic fresh aire.

A few fantastic random thoughts.

This was on a bumper sticker Aisling and I ran across today on our way home from Work. My question is, what happened to the "o"s?

---

May my mind be clear.
May I live fearlessly
In the Mind of Readiness.
May I rely on nothing
Save Emptiness.

- Ji Aoi Isshi (courtesy DailyZen.com)

---

I watched Tough Crowd this evening because Dennis Leary was on it, and he's almost always funny. The third segment of the show was supposed to be a skit that Colin Quinn set up, about Viet Nam and something related to what's going on in our world today. But when another guy ran into the scene and said "Hey guys, I just got back from a firefight. It was louder than Led Zepplin 2!" the whole skit quickly degenerated into a conversation about when 2 had actually come out, and it was hilarious. Sometimes the best comedy comes unscripted.

Of course, something like South Park has to be scripted, and I laughed myself silly at the ice cream-crapping alien taco. Again the world shows me that it's best to balance the two.

Fwiiisssssshhhhh - straight down the drain. I have this sinking feeling that I totally wrecked what could have been a really cool friendship, and why? Because, ironically, I don't know when to shut up.

I talk about half as much as most other people I know, since I've always thought it was important to have something to say before you open your mouth. It's the same way with writing. Some people obviously just love the sound of their own words, but if there's no purpose behind them other than to take up space, then it's merely wasteful.

Despite my caution, some rare idiotic gem manages to slip loose once in a while, and the thing takes off like a missile and wrecks whatever is in its path. It's happened before, and knowing myself, it will undoubtedly happen again. When it happens in person it's usually possible to do damage control, laugh it off or blame it on drink. But when the comment in question is written, it takes on a life of its own, and sometimes I can hardly believe what I've done. It's like kicking a rock into the street and watching a car slide on it and go careening into a lamp post. Only this wasn't a rock, it was a rather rude and insulting remark, and it wasn't a car, but one of the coolest individuals I think I've ever met.

We make mistakes, and hopefully, we learn from them and grow as people. This particular life lesson I should have learned long ago, and maybe that's why the price was so high this time. That doesn't mean it isn't painful, and a damned shame.

Yay. It's a rare thing when you can say that a sequel surpases the original in quality, but X2 does. I went to see it. You should go see it too.

Now that I'm done advertising for a heartless megacorporation... hmm, well, we get our tortilla shells delivered by a local that makes them by hand, and we're busy spreading the good word about her services, so I suppose that counts as a blow against The Man. In all things, balance.

I was taught a very important lesson recently, but it took me a while to recognise it. When I did, of course, I felt like an arse.

No one has a lock on the Truth. If anyone did, they'd probably be sacked as soon as they opened their mouth because the Truth is the last thing anyone wants to hear. Fortunately, none of us actually know the Truth, we just have what we think are good approximations. It is a powerful instrument, and it should not be used carelessly, or without regard for the consequences.

All too frequently I open my mouth without regard for the consequences, something that I think happens too much in our cell-phone connected Society of Gossip. Humility in all cases must be the rule rather than the exception, and when we start to think that we know better than anyone else what this life is about we break that rule to the detriment of all. I was careless with what I thought was the Truth, but as it turns out I'm just another shiester posing in the body of a man who thinks he knows what he's doing.

I don't know the Truth. I'm just painfully, suicidally honest, and I am trying to learn that honesty is not a license to say whatever you want. Think before you speak.

Utilising the advanced broadband networking capabilities of my Submarine, I was able to sign on to and evaluate the new iTunes Music Store. It is delicious. It's everything an online music service should be; cheap, easy, clean, and fun. It worked perfectly, even if all the albums aren't loaded just yet. I can forgive Apple for this, as Daniel-Son and I did a quick calculation that indicated - based on the figures Apple is providing - that they would be making available roughly 6.87 Terrabytes of completely legal musical candy. Moly Holy, that's a lot of candy.

We're using Pallas for watching a movie this evening, so there's just one more thing I want to get in before we go offline. "I don't need no wheels, I don't need no gasoline, 'cause the wind that is blowin' is blowin' like a smoke machine. If I said to you that I was lookin' for a place to get to, 'cause my neck is broken and my pants ain't getting no bigger."

Oh, and a short message to Tak: you are a foul, foul temptress for sending me a link like this one. She's no Boss 302, but Wow. That's a Car, man. Wow.

Some evil god or goddess has placed a timer in my brain which causes me to awaken every damned morning at 6 A.M., whether I want to or not. The first few days I was willing to put it down to freaky coincidence, but now it's really starting to get annoying. And if it's possible to transmogrify into a pig for a day, I think I just did. Adding up everything I've eaten today, I'd say it's been about 3,800 calories, almost 80 grams of protien, and I don't even wanna think about cholesterol. As the direct decendent of a twig I need every molecule I can get, but this kind of gorging is unprecedented. And I'm not even done yet! I still have to sit through The Daily Show.

Conquering the world is a bit tougher than I expected. Just as I declared war on Greece, Egypt came across the border and royally whooped up on my arse. Germany got my back, but then Russia and Babylon allied with Egypt and now I'm totally hosed. Have I mentioned this already? The combat system in Civ3 makes me want to choke something small and helpless.

"Ring a ring a rosie as the light declines... I remember Dublin city in the rare o' times..." Flogging Molly is like a force of nature, except instead of inexerably destroying the works of Men, they inexerably cause people to dance and bob their heads about in a goofy manner. Unless you hate life and all things good, you can't not have fun listening to them.

"Believing... that religion is a matter which lies solely between man and his God, that he owes account to none other for his faith or his worship, that the legislative powers of government reach actions only, and not opinions, I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their legislature should 'make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof,' thus building a wall of separation between church and state." - Thomas Jefferson, 1802

I hadn't known the origins of that much used term until recently, but I think it should serve as an example to all the extremists in our country. A man such as Jefferson, with deep religious convictions, could easily see the consequences of the State endorsing any one religion over the other. Of course, it's a good bet that he was more intelligent than any five modern Fundamentalist pundits put together, but it's always nice to know that our founding fathers really did want us to be free in the truest sense of the word.

Yeah, that last post is an absolutely true story. This dude wanted to protest the war in Iraq, so he got himself a chain and he secured himself to a government building. Then he put up a sign saying "Reduce Deficits" and broke out a harmonica. Trouble is, he had actually chained himself to the below-sidewalk level back entrance of a non-profit agricultural charity. It was 18 whole hours before anyone else even saw him.

He'd left the keys to the locks in his van, of course. During the interview - actually, within the first ten seconds - it became quite apparent that not only is he not the brightest bulb in the Sav-A-Lot Pack, but the filament isn't even there. It was really rather stunning to be confronted with proof that at least one product of our national education system concluded 12 years of classroom instruction without once learning who Rosa Parks was.

This evening's pilgrimage to the local Freaky Video Store was a massive failure on all levels. Tak and I expected a large selection from which to purchase, but it was all mainly rentals. I kinda sorta regret not buying the "Boom Stick" edition of Army of Darkness, but I can probably find that online somewhere... hey, just like that. Some old guy at the local Food Mart did complement us on our shirts - Tak in a Betty Paige number and myself sporting Bob Ross. Then we passed an 80 year old man on the way out who was wearing a t-shirt covered in a colage of B&W James Dean photos, so the evening wasn't a total loss.

Oh, and I want a new iPod very, very, very badly. Badly enough to do something incredibly stupid to get one? We'll see...

I wanted to slip this one in real quick before it escaped my not-so-great memory:

"So, would you say you're the Rosa Parks of chaining yourself to the wrong building?"

"I'm sorry, I don't know who Rosa Parks is."

-The Daily Show interview with hippy war protester.

The building which acts as a surrogate parent to our Submarine is trying to get us hooked up with wireless 'net access. Actually, they've been trying for two entire years, and from what I hear spent an apochryphal amount of money on an iffy microwave setup. How does $10,000 sound, to span a distance of at most 100 yards? Outdoors. Line-of-sight.

The proper equipment for a superior, multi-directional 802.11g WiFi setup might, might have cost $1,000 with all the bells and whistles attached. But they had purchased the antennas and gear a long time ago, and just hadn't quite gotten around to actually installing it. Welcome to Corporate Thinking.

Today was another damned fine day to be anywhere but work. And I'm trying, like some kind of monster Sucker, to spend even more time down there so that my bank account will begin to swell instead of contract. I discovered tonight that I am pathetically out of shape, and Daniel-Son tells me that I need a hell of a lot more protien in my diet if I'm to gain any weight this season. Perhaps that should be tomorrow's agenda - a real diet plan.

In the course of a conversation with Tak we came up with the idea for a People Zapper. It would be a steel cage the size of a phone booth, open on two sides, and equipped with blue lighting and some form of human attractor - shiny buttons that say DO NOT TOUCH, or else nudy pictures. Upon entering the cage our Person would be Zapped into non-existance by 2 Jiggawatts of electricity, enough to turn even the portliest porker into smelly ash. Large underground capacitors would be tied to a series of lightning rods, so you have only to wait for the first decent storm of the season. I had soooooo much fun picturing this idea in action that I might have to draw up schematics. If any of you vipers beats me to the patent office, I'll rip your spine out and use it to floss my teeth.

What a freaking gorgeous day. Here in Anytown there is woodland, there are hills, there are rivers, and on occasion, a clear blue sky that almost hurts to look at and a constant zephyr that keeps your core temperature nice and balanced but lets you feel the warmth of the sun on your neck.

Secret Message: Have fun camping, Eyelids! Reconnect with nature.

Summertime, and the living's easy... thank you iTunes, it's been a while since I heard this one. Sublime.

Superb, that's another s-u word that people don't use nearly enough. Every time I think of it, I make a resolution to use it in some everyday conversation. My laptop Pallas could best be described as Superb. Tomorrow - the video store, or else House of 1,000 Corpses with Tak. After this and Jackass, you owe me The Quiet American, girl.

Oh, and not that it was particularly burdensome, but school's out for summer. Yippie Kay Ay, Mamma Jamma. The Great Buildup of muscle mass and funding begins now. For general knowledge, writing is almost always more interesting when you're sleep deprived. I think I'm going to try that out tomorrow.

Well, now I must give a shout out to Aloris, because she has shouted me out. Although this blows a bit of my supersecret online cover identity, I feel that the risk is acceptable.

Being a Nerd, I have a few gripes with the combat system in Civilization 3. But, since this game is sort of ancient news, there's no real point in posting them. And now, if you'll excuse me, I've a world to take over...

Two points. On occasion, almost exclusively in the case of news programming, ABC does something good. John Stossel is high-larious, and this special that just aired is a great big mirror for America. "Look here, you fat, selfish, lazy dumbasses! This Is You!" Old John's interview skills are kind of jarring, but the whole special is basically him saying that we, as Americans, do indeed have the power to control these impulses towards obesity and addiction that we treat as diseases. Someone will tell him, "I couldn't control myself." And he'll say, incredulously, "Yes, you could." And they will say "Uh, ah..."

Second Point. In the April 14th edition of Time Magazine, in the Notebook section under "Cheerleading For the Budget," appeared the following quote: "Asked if the President still hoped to get his tax cut passed in full, a senior Administration official replied confidently, 'Fifty miles to Baghdad.'" Apparently, there is no longer a question regarding Bush's motives for war. Anyone who can say that with a straight face is fronting for a man who cares nothing for the real consequences of his actions, but is only concerned with getting his way and doing whatever he can to ensure that he continues to get his way. This makes me ashamed to share a planet with such scum.

Today was a very bad day for the People of Earth. The Apes and the Crazies were out in full force, flinging shit at each other. In public!

Finally got out to see Bowling With Columbine, and while I'm naturally wary of any sort of media-based message that makes me want to raise my fist and rail against the Man as part of a throng of like-minded fellows, well, let's just say that afterwards I was strongly tempted to do a little fist raising. There are a few exaggerations and misrepresentations, but overall it's one of the best documentaries that I've ever seen. Definitely deserving of the Oscar, certainly worth a second look. The animated short on the History of America should have been nominated on it's own, such was it's genius.

Encourage Thought. View this film. Then feel free to agree or disagree with Moore, figure out exactly why you feel that way, and share that with your friends. It doesn't hurt. It feels good.

I have no problem with Christians. I have no problem with Jews. I have no problem with Muslims. I have no problem, really, with any form of organised religion.

I have no problem with any organisation that provides aid and comfort to the victims of War. They are doing good work and should be supported in every way.

I have a Great Big Fucking Problem with religious aid groups that try to convert the people they're helping. This is exactly what I'm talking about. Being from the highly conservative city of Colorado Springs originally, I've had plenty of experience with religious zealots trying to run the personal lives of other people. If you're really as pious as you think you are, then the act of providing aid should be reward enough. In an environment as volatile as the Middle East, where holy wars are a part of the landscape, active proselytizing should be forbidden, out of respect for their civilization as well as common human decency.

Recommended reading: Tak finally finished "Lamb: The Gospel According To Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal" by Christopher Moore, and loaned it to me. Now I'm almost finished with it, and I must say, it's brilliant. Makes theology fun again, and for an avowed Athiest, that's saying something. I think every hard-core Christian nutjob should be forced to read this, with nifty "Clockwork Orange" eyeball aids if necessary. If more people understood that the true purpose of religion is not to create distinction between men, but to destroy it, then perhaps we could all have a laugh and get over this revolting Great Satan shit.

Also, finally saw "Dr. Strangelove," and Golly, what a beautiful, brilliant peice of work. So totally relevant even today that every doomsday scenario film that's come out since Kubrick's film looks like a 13 year-old masturbating. Because it is so outrageous, as Hunter Thompson understood all too well, it is more accurate than any other kind of film could hope to be. Every person who has ever been entrusted with the use of a nuclear device should be forced to watch it, although I have a feeling that the irony of the Big Board would be lost on our current Regime.

I really think that our Dear Old Rummy is a wee bit too casual about this whole War thing. "What do you mean they aren't happy with anarchy and vandalism? We liberated them!" I wanted to kill myself every time some poor Iraqi schmoo said "Tank yu mista Bush. Jorge Bush! Hooray!" The pols will undoubtedly go Up for our goofy child-president, for the moment, but twelve months from now when there's still fighting and the Shiites and Suunis and Kurds start blowing each other up with car bombs, I hope people realise just what kind of morass we've sunk our boots into. Not to say that it can't work out, because I sincerely hope it does. But with Shrub and his Cabal in charge, there is a 99.95% chance that it won't.

And thank you, Universe, for introducing me to yet another gorgeous, intelligent, fascinating girl who would be in all respects perfect if it weren't for that pesky existing relationship thing. I mean it. Thanks.

Jesus, listen to me. Why pay for a psychologist when webranting is free?

Nothing is Safe. The Time of the Final Shit-Rain is upon us. Dear lord, I'm in a foul mood when it comes to writing anything these days. A growing sense of impotence in the face of universal idiocy is probably to blame, but now I sound like all those other idiots who complain about idiots for a living. Nothing gets accomplished that way.

Instead, we could focus on Tak's VW Jetta being crushed from behind by an SUV driver, but that's of little interest to anyone but us. How about the fact that "Dr. Strangelove" was being shown on the big screen at the Smelly Art Theater, and I couldn't go because I have to take tons of preparatory medications for a colonoscopy tomorrow? Nope, that's totally selfish and sounds like whining.

Well, I've said before that this is really just a personal journal, so I shouldn't be disappointed if no one else reads it. So there we go, from now on I'll be totally narcissistic, how's that?

Here's another story. By now I'm sure we've all heard of this Pfc. Jesse who was rescued in a "daring" raid from a POW holding station in a hospital in Iraq. Her family and everyone in the town she grew up in were relieved, and that's wonderful. Here's what one celebrator had to say:

"Everyone's just saying they are so thankful Jesse is alive and prayer has caused this to happen. I said Jesse will never know the lives she has touched, the people who possibly have even come to know prayer and the Lord because of what happened."

WTF??? Here's some more:

"This is the most God-blessed kind of story I could imagine. The churches prayed. We all prayed. Miracles do happen."

I have no problem with people praying. But what about the five other soldiers from the same company that have yet to be rescued? Is no one praying for them? If they are, then what the fuck makes these people think that prayer will change things? This self-riteousness and sick, desperate need to feel some sort of control over the situation is scary and downright degrading. God didn't rescue Jesse Lynch. Navy SEALS and Army Rangers and CIA operatives rescued Jesse Lynch. In war, some people are lucky, and some aren't. Let's get used to the idea that there isn't one good goddammed thing we can do to change what's going on, and start hoping that this all works out, somehow.

Wow, that last post was depressing. To counter it, I feel that this bit of language offers us hope and comfort, and might one day be indicitive again of the discourse in our government.

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."

Sometimes, even if it was 214 years ago, they get it exactly right.

And now, as a special service to our readers, we will present to you unedited an email that was, through various channels, brought to our attention. Nothing below the following break should be construed to represent the actual opinion of Famous Historian:
________________________________________________________________________

GOD BLESS AMERICA!

There are a few things that those who have recently come to our country, and apparently some native Americans, need to understand.

First of all, it is not our responsibility to continually try not to offend you in any way. This idea of America being a multicultural community has served only to dilute our sovereignty and our national identity.

As Americans, we have our own culture, our own society, our own language, and our own lifestyle. This culture, called the "American Way" has been developed over centuries of struggles, trials, and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom.

Our forefathers fought, bled, and died at places such as Bunker Hill, San Juan, Iwo Jima, Normandy, Korea, Vietnam...

We speak English, not Spanish, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any other language.

Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society -- learn our language!"

"In God We Trust" is our national motto. This is not some off-the-wall, Christian, Right Wing, political slogan -- it is our national motto. It is engraved in stone in the House of Representatives in our Capitol and it is printed on our currency. We adopted this motto because Christian men and women, on Christian principles, founded this nation and this is clearly documented throughout our history.

If it is appropriate for our motto to be inscribed in the halls of our highest level of Government, then it is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our schools.

God is in our pledge, our National Anthem, nearly every patriotic song, and in our founding documents. We honor His birth, death, and resurrection as holidays, and we turn to Him in prayer in times of crisis. If God offends you, then I suggest you consider another part of the world as your new home, because God is part of our culture and we are proud to have Him.

We are proud of our heritage and those who have so honorably defended our freedoms. We celebrate Independence Day, Memorial Day, Veterans Day, and Flag Day. We have parades, picnics, and barbecues where we proudly wave our flag.

As an American, I have the right to wave my flag, sing my national anthem, quote my national motto, and cite my pledge whenever and wherever I choose.

If the Stars and Stripes offend you, or you don't like Uncle Sam, then you should seriously consider a move to another part of this planet.

The American culture is our way of life, our heritage, and we are proud of it.

We are happy with our culture and have no desire to change, and we really don't care how you did things where you came from. Like it or not, this is our country, our land, and our lifestyle.

Our First Amendment gives every citizen the right to express his opinion about our government, culture, or society, and we will allow you every opportunity to do so. But once you are done complaining, whining, and griping about our flag, our pledge, our national motto, or our way of life, I highly encourage you take advantage of one other great American freedom:

THE RIGHT TO LEAVE!

Another thing: To those who do complain about the usage of words like 'God' and 'American' and speaking the language of our great nation, TRY GOING TO ANOTHER COUNTRY AND SPEAK AGAINST WHAT YOU DON'T LIKE. YOU WILL MORE THAN LIKELY END UP JAILED OR EVEN KILLED.

In America, you take your right to complain for granted.

The more patriotism that is removed from where our children are taught, the less our children will learn about what it is to be an American and our nation's spirit will slowly be killed.

Keep patriotism alive.

If you agree, pass this onto other Americans!

(I'M SURE YOU DO !)

It is time to take a stand!
God Bless America and our Military and Veterans!

________________________________________________________________________

I'll have a more coherent response for all this garbage tomorrow.

Here's a bit of advice, just in case you defy all odds and logic and happen to run into me on the street: If you've even thought of boycotting French products because of this war, I don't want to know you. If you think that Bush was legitimately elected in 2000, I would rather have my intestines vivisected than talk to you. And if you think that America was founded By Christians, For Christians, and that anyone who has a problem with forcing the word God into every nook and cranny of the government should just go find themselves some other country, I will fucking eat your children and beat you so hard your mother will cry.

If you fit into any of these categories, and you enjoy living, then just keep walking.

We don't exactly live in the heart of downtown Anytown, but we don't live out in the farming country, either. So believe me when I say that I was surprised this morning to observe a trio of turkeys waltz up our driveway and into our backyard, as though it were perfectly natural for such fowl to be out on a constitutional.

They hung around for a little while, then moved on, plucking at the ground and looking about with the manner of semi-interested tourists. "Oh, do you see that little patch of garden there, Edna? That'll be right lovely come springtime. Oh dear, looks like we've met up against a fence. Better head back the way we came. Ta!"

Completely out of the blue. And totally, refreshingly surreal.

Follow the fucking money.

Is anyone surprised that they pulled this? This travesty doesn't just make us look like assholes, it proves, rather conclusively, that we are assholes. Or at least that the administration is full of them, anyway. What a rediculously obvious power play. Christ.

A non-war topic, here's what I have prepared for a debate in Speech class:

"In such a debate as this, which has recieved no shortage of national and international attention because of the questions it raises about the nature of life as we know it, all sides must be examined with equal scrutiny and fairness. The practice of cloning, in its various forms and applications, has been possible only since the structure of DNA and its relation to the development of life was discovered. And now, in the short span of (?) years, we have come upon the possibility of creating life whenever and however we choose, and in new and un-dreamt of forms. The possible uses of emerging genetic technology are limited only by the imagination of the men and women who are working to refine it. Some of these scenarios we are familiar with from the realms of science fiction: armies and societies of one or a few persons replicated a thousand times, genetically modified "super humans," the stratification of society based on genetic heritage. Others, such as making our entire species resistant to disease and free of physical and mental deformities, can be considered real possibilities and would inarguably benefit mankind (whether or not it would benefit the planet is another matter entirely).

Thus the need for extreme caution should be plainly evident when dealing with such technologies. The current research can be divided into two categories; Reproductive Cloning, which would produce a theorhetically exact duplicate of an entire human being, and Theraputic Cloning, which involves replicating and growing only specific kinds of cells to be used in medical applications.

The technology for Reproductive Cloning, unfortunately popularized by the recent Clonaid and "Raelian" incidents, quite simply does not exist yet. Current methods for producing complete clones is imprecise and dangerous, and almost invariably results in unacceptable damage to the clones themselves. Every(?) nation on earth has passed legislation forbidding Reproductive Cloning, and it would therefore be fruitless to debate it's applications.

Theraputic Cloning, however, has the potential to produce extraordinary advances in medical science which would revolutionize our concepts of disease and debilitation..."

That's all I have so far. Where there are question marks, I need solid fact, but I think it's an otherwise good start, no? I really just wanted to post something that did not reference Bombs or Idiots. Success!

So, the newsman this morning informs us that Mr. Bush does not believe it is necessary for him to view the tapes of our soldiers being tortured and mutilated by Iraqi officials. I say, you fucking prick, you sent them there, you should be damn well forced to watch what happens. These are the real results of your hubris, and I hope your nights in Camp David are sleepless.

Oh, Michael Moore. Won an Oscar for Bowling for Columbine, then gets up in front of a whole buncha big wigs and starts this speech about how, "we like to make factual movies, but we live in ficticious times, when ficticious voting results elect a fictitious president who sends us into war for fictitious reasons..." Naturally, he was booed quite heavily and cut off by the orchestra, but probably not for the right reasons.

He should have been booed because he used his brief moment on stage to make a political statement instead of just being gracious and saying "thank you." He was really booed because most people still don't like to hear you badmouth Shrub, who started a war so he could be a wartime president.

Idiots.

Soooo... last night Aisling was hangin' on the couch, watching the evening news, and I was in the kitchen fixing up some ice cream. Then I hear this dismayed, depressed sort of "ohmygod!" from the living room. Turns out, they were interviewing the guy who claims to have come up with the whole idea of "Shock and Awe," a non-military term that's already on my all time list of Most Annoying Meaningless Contrivances. He was describing the bombing, mentioning that there are plenty of targets left in the country, and he said that the rest of the campaign "...should be a lot of fun."

AAahhhhaaahhhAAhhhaHAHaaa. It's impossible to formulate a rational response to something like that. The mind reels back in horror. But the worst part is that I've made a similar slip before, in talking about North Korea's puny navy. The worst part is not so much that this jackass said what he did, but that anyone, if they're not careful, can make the same mistake. This is what we must guard against.

And poor Dan Rather seems to be taking all this a bit rough. It won't be his generation that has to fix all the problems Dubya and the Crown Loyalists are busy causing, but maybe that's why he's sad.

I don't want to walk into work and have to listen to everyone talk about war war war war. I realize that it's kind of ironic, working on a decomissioned warship, but if I wanted to hold a debate I would, well, hold a debate. It's impossible for other people to remain calm when discussing such an issue, which baffles me, and it means that every chat about bombing this or that turns into a frustrating near-shouting match.

Last month (I relize that this puts me behind the curve, but I'm not an official Celebrity Stalker) Ms. Garofalo made yet another appearance on FOX News, and this time around, if the transcript is any indication, she did much better (aside from the whole conspiracy bit. Of course there are conspiracies in the government, but unless you can prove it you just make yourself look like an arse). Unfortunately, my close personal friends at Spinsanity (right) have called into question certain of her quoted facts and figures.

I can hardly wait until this "Liberal Talk Radio" thing gets off the ground. They're going to have to work hard to keep from being just a smarmy peice of mean-spirited mockery, though. My grand hope is that instead of just providing leftist grist for the cluster fuck that passes for public debate these days, they actually manage to raise the level of conversation from kindergarten to at least grade-school.

Today, I got to use the word Bedlam. It's one of my faves.

Holy Marconi. Radio historians will recognize the irony of that little exclamation, for I am currently sitting in a corner cafe sipping tea and surfing, thanks to Pallas' built-in AirPort Extreme card. I realize that the Revolution has already occured, and that access like this won't be free for much longer, but it's still a real fun experience the first time around.

Also, the stories about 10.2.4 have been exaggerated. This battery will outlast my patience for coffee houses, even if it falls somewhat short of the advertised 4.5 hours of life. This kind of pure freedom of movement is quite intoxicating.

Tak asked me if not caring about this Damn War makes her a bad person. My answer was yes, because any time a certifiable Jackass acts giddy about sacrificing American lives for a war that no one but the Crown Loyalists want we should be upset. To give in to hopelessness is to take the easy way out, and we owe it to our future selves to give a damn about the here and now.

So Pallas arrived this morning, five minutes before I was to go to work. Fortunately, today I was working in a Mac lab, which is big and well-kept and has lots of juicy bandwidth, so I took the box unopened to work an hour early, and sat down with my new tool/toy.

The 17" PowerBook G4 from Apple is the culmination of all the engineering genius of perhaps the most innovative computer company ever, a perfect execution of a high idea. The screen is so big and so beautiful that there is no practical difference between working on this machine and working on a desktop. The keyboard action is indeed crisp, and the illumination effect is as cool a touch as one could ever hope for.

In use, the system responds almost instantaneously, whether you're running one application or a dozen. The hard drive is nearly silent, which is sort of disconcerting - I'm used to being able to tell when my computer's working hard. The SuperDrive makes the coolest noises when the laptop wakes up, and so far has worked without a hitch. It is a complete desktop replacement in every sense, and it weighs no more than my previous iBooks Miz and Gir.

That said, God Fucking Dammit, Apple. 10.2.4 should never have been released, and it should never have been installed as the default on a shipping system. Now, if the day comes when I am forced to rebuild Pallas, I shall have to make sure that I have a raft of fixes and updates at hand to install immediately, because this version of Jaguar does indeed murder the battery. The point of making something as small as a laptop is that you're supposed to be able to take it with you when you want to leave your desk, but I can't take Pallas anywhere yet. Get this fixed, and soon.

Also, Pallas shipped with not one, but two dead pixels. Actually one is red, and the other is blue. But this means that I'm in for a long wait while I get the screen replaced, and I'm not down with that. Damn It.

>Dear Apple Customer,

>The following products shipped on 03/17/2003. Transit time will
>depend upon whether you have chosen standard or premium freight
>options. If your order is shipping standard freight, it should arrive
>within 2 - 5 business days of shipment.

>Product # Product Description Qty Ext Price
>_________________________________________________________________________
>M8793LL/A PBG4 17.0/1GHZ/512/60G/SD/AP/BT-USA 1 3,149.00
> With the following configuration:
>
> Z05M_B_PROC 065-3719 1GHz PowerPC G4
> Z05M_C_MEM 065-3722 512MB DDR RAM - 1 DIMM
> Z05M_D_HD 065-3716 60GB Hard Drive
> Z05M_E_OD 065-3718 Super Drive
> Z05M_F_KIT 065-3713 Country Kit/Airport
> Z05M_G_OS 065-3712 Keyboard/Mac OS
>_________________________________________________________________________
>SHIPPING16 EXPEDITED SHIPPING CHARGE 1 15.00
>_________________________________________________________________________
>
>The above products have been shipped to:
>
> Liam Roy
> 1234 Any Rd
> ANYTOWN, USA

Upon the reciept of this messaage, I leapt for sheer joy. My new PowerBook Pallas Athena is actually in the mail as you read this, her aluminum-encased silicone heart awaiting only my touch to bring her to life. Gir is still somewhat useful, but I'll have to figure out exactly what to do with him.

The weather here reminds me powerfully of life in California, the sounds of a city alive at night transported into the home on a cool breeze. It won't be too long before the heat of the day becomes uncomfortable, so this little in-between time should be treasured.

HAPPY SAINT PATRICK'S DAY! I am off to get completely sloggered (c'mon, with a name like Liam Roy, what'd ya expect? If you're Irish, it's your duty and your right).

" a heart that's full up like a landfill
a job that slowly kills you
bruises that won't heal
you were so tired, happy, bring down the government
they don't, they don't speak for us
i'll take the quiet life
a handshake of carbon monoxide
no alarms and no surprises
no alarms and no surprises
no alarms and no surprises* silent
silent
this is my final fit
my final bellyache with no alarms and no surprises
no alarms and no surprises
no alarms and no surprises please
such a pretty house
such a pretty garden
no alarms and no surprises
no alarms and no surprises
no alarms and no surprises please"

-Radiohead, "OK Computer"

Some dick who owns a restaraunt near the city of Pittsburgh, aside from crossing the word French off his menus, has also decided to take the word "Turkey" out of the turkey club sandwich. He might be angry with the nation of Turkey for refusing to be America's bitch in Gulf War II, but for Fuck's sake, they didn't name the sandwich after a country, they named it after the God Damned Bird that the sandwich is made out of.

Sweet Jeebus. "Freedom Fries." What a dumbass idea. Every restaraunt I go to from now on I plan to quite pointedly order the French Fries at, because there's no intelligent reason to call them anything else (although it is quite amusing that the French embassy pointed out that these fabled potato sticks were actually invented in Belgium. So we should be calling them Belgian Fries anyway, but enough of that sickness).

So, from my heart to France, a quick missive: I don't agree with your position, but no one deserves the treatment you're getting from Americans. It's stupid and indecent, and on behalf of the minority of intelligent humans that still live in the U.S.A., I apologize.

March has just been an awesome month for music. Tak, her friend Bubba, and myself went to a Flogging Molly/Mighty Mighty Bosstones event last evening. Sold out, jam packed, and boy did it ever rock. I mean, floor to cieling, head to toes, front to back ass-kickin' rock. The fiddler for Molly was out sick, but I think they managed to compensate pretty well, and I'd been waiting all week to hear "Salty Dog," which was a perfect finale. This lost-looking 13 year-old tried to hook up with Bubba, who's at least twice that age. In fact, there were a lot of kids there. One of them put their gum in Tak's water, which upset everyone, but there was plenty of goofy mock-step dancing to offset any bad vibes. A Good Time.

Go here for what I am told is fun. I want a Dancing Jesus, myself. Oh, damn, that URL is already taken.

Two things in the newspaper today merit attention. The first is the headline on the front page of Anytown's local daily, paraphrased slightly: "Iraq submits demands to U.N." This is brinksmanship at it's finest, two maniacs staring each other down, both afraid to lose face by admitting fault and both willing to bet the future of their careers and their countries that the other man will blink first. Another history major who works on the Submarine told me that he really doesn't think Bush is doing that much harm to America. His attitude, while disturbingly simplistic, is also rather more prevalent than I want to believe. How otherwise intelligent people can become so willfully blind to the sick reality of this Administration is beyond my understanding.

The other was a letter, republished as a commentary, from this gent John Brady Kiesling (it's all over the web, but this site loads the fastest.). Seems that, as a professional diplomat, he was no longer able to work for the United States because of our antagonistic policies. This is a letter of resignation, given to Colin Powell, and it's absolutely fabulous. Our own diplomats are resigning in protest! We should need no clearer proof of the flawed nature of Shrub's "diplomacy."

This is not to say that I am currently Famous, or even a Historian per se, even though that's what it says on my tax return. This title is an excersize in irony and wishful thinking, for I am something of a historian In Training, an eager squire fetching and stepping at the coattails of the thousands who have come before me. Keep you Eyes on the Prize, and to that end dedicate at least one bit of computation every cycle to attaining that Prize. Perhaps none of this makes any sense to anyone else, but that's okay. I can live with being slightly nonsensical at times because I spend so much of my effort in life trying to clarify everyone else's bull thwap. Being a Historian means understanding the mistakes that have been made in the past, and knowing also how to apply those lessons in the present. I think that's something we could all use a little practice with.

We were all a little disappointed that Mr. Colbert got another shot at hosing - sorry, hosting - the Daily Show with Jon Stewart. Presumably dear old Jon was either too ill to attend, or needed some time to work on this apocryphal NBC project. I forget where I heard it the first time, but I really hope that if he does decide to go "legit" that the sense of mockery that comes with being the goofy step-cousin of the News Business doesn't get squashed by Corporate needs.

Tak and I went to see The Chieftans this evening, which demonstrates admirably our fundamental coolness, that we can go from CKY Rock to traditional Celtic in four days and have a grand time at both. Seriously, these guys have been playing together for something like six centuries, and I can't believe that there's anyone better. With my claudagh and the green vest me granddad left me I was running at 100% Irish, but there were plenty of classless people who went over the top with ties that had Ireland printed all over them and polos with bright green collars and some random crest on the front. And there was one man, who deserves to have the Hand of God descend from up high and administer a Holy Wedgie, that wore shorts. God Damn shorts to a concert hall. The more refined citizenry of Anytown complain that there is little to no real culture in our city. I say it's because of Jackasses who wear fucking shorts to formal occasions.

Decided to change the title again. I think this reflects fairly accurately what my life is turning into, but it'll be a while before I change the actual web address. Aw hell, only two other people read it anyway. I'll change it tonight. Or I would, if the Archives weren't misbehaving...

I was going to change the title to The Battle for the American Dream, but the only plausible short URL, thebattle.blogspot.com, has recently been taken by some fluffy idiot. It's ironic that the first thing I said upon visiting this tiny pool of bile was "Damn you!"

Impromptu concert last night with Tak, went to see CKY, which we had convinced our coworker Mr. Gears stands for Country Killin' Yuppies. Tak's only known about them since last October, and I had never heard them before except when she had them playing in her car. But they put on a fine show, got the crowd absolutely ramped up, and granted Tak two signatures and a smoochy-picture after the show.

We staked out a spot in a corner of the bar overlooking the stage well in advance. Despite being several years older than myself (In the words of Ghengis Khan, I AM TWENTY-ONE) Tak let fly with the Rocking Out, denting an air duct behind her and garnering the attention of the CKY bass player, who later (to her considerable delight) said, "Hey, you're the girl from the corner!" I myself am not naturally predisposed to Rocking Out, perhaps because the only natural rythm I have is on a laptop keyboard, perhaps because I was actually born in the late 1700's and feel far more comfortable sitting down for a good dose of live music. But there is something to be said for live Rock with a capital R, even if the most amusing act at the concert is your best friend.

There was an estimate in the newspaper that this Desert Storm II could concievably cost as much as $1,000 from every family in America. Ours is a family of four, so about $250 from my own pocket to rid the world of one sick bastard and build democracy in what was once the center of the civilized world. Since I'll shortly be a member of our Armed Services, I'd have to say that Yes, That's Worth My Money.

Yeah. Scroll down to the Wednesday the 19th entry on this page. Read it. Now read this story.

It's both eerie and incredibly frustrating when the Other Side takes the words right out of your mouth and says, "Okay, that sounds like a good idea." At least we know that they're working on a real long-term solution now. It'll be interesting to stick around and see what kind of treatment American oil companies get when our military government starts the pumps in Iraq.

And when I rule the world, I will have a new button installed on everyone's remote control that will mute the shitty background music that television producers insist on pumping into what are supposed to be narratives. I would like ABC's "Profiles from the Front Line" if it didn't have so much gawd-awful fake symphonic noise. Do these people think that the story itself isn't riveting enough? I could barely hear the Flight Deck chief on the Kennedy for the synthetic blabbering of dramatic instruments. I always end up feeling frustrated and manipulated, and I don't think that's what they were shooting for.

Drowning in a sea of idiocy. That has nothing to do with anything, but I like the little rhyme there.

The recruiting officer at the U. of A's NROTC unit said, perhaps not in these exact words, "Fill out the paperwork and you're in." So it's basically no longer a dream; as long as I can meet the physical requirements, I'm on my way to becoming an officer in the United States Navy. I'm not just saying that that's what I want to do, I'm really doing it. That feels immensly satisfying, like the Lego block of my life is sliding into the big picture in exactly the right place. 98% of the people that I meet have no idea what they're supposed to be doing here on Earth, grownups included, so I guess I'd better be damn grateful and make the most of it.

I would like to formally announce the beginning of The Battle for the American Dream by quoting a passage (Copyright 2003 by Gonzo International Corp.) from Kingdom of Fear:

"We have become a Nazi monster in the eyes of the whole world - a nation of bullies and bastards who would rather kill than live peacefully. We are not just Whores for power and oil, but killer whores with hate and fear in our hearts. We are human scum, and that is how history will judge us.... No redeeming social value. Just whores. Get out of our way, or we'll kill you.

Well, shit on that dumbness. George W. Bush does not speak for me or my son or my mother or my friends or the people I respect in this world. We didn't vote for these cheap, greedy little killers who speak for America today - and we will not vote for them again in 2002. Or 2004. Or ever.

Who does vote for these dishonest shitheads? Who among us can be happy and proud of having all this innocent blood on our hands? Who are these swine? These flag-sucking half-wits who get fleeced and fooled by stupid little rich kids like George Bush? They are the same ones who wanted to have Muhammad Ali locked up for refusing to kill gooks. They speak for all that is cruel and stupid and vicious in the American character. They are the racists and hate mongers among us - they are the Ku Klux Klan. I piss down the throats of these Nazis.

Damn them all. Trying to win at their own game would be stupid and foolish for almost any of us to attempt, but I will use my vote and my voice to do everything within my power to unravel this hideous reality. The greatest Test my generation faces is getting rid of these pigs. We have two years starting now.

Hm. Received word from another friend Back Home that she and this Citizen Soldier are truly diggin' each other. Problem is, said soldier has been deployed for Desert Storm II, with all the fear and uncertainty that instills in those who are left behind to watch. What a feeling of helpless rage, to know that the fate of the one you love is being traded precisely like a pawn by our goofy Child-President in the biggest chess game there is.

And tonight Aisling comes home to learn how to live a normal, happy life. Today was almost forcefully non-eventful, and I can't decide whether I should enjoy it now or start dreading what could come.

Wait, that's stupid. There are two basic ideas that I conduct my life by, the first and simplist being the Golden Rule. 'Yall should know that one by heart. The second I actually heard verbalized in Seven Years in Tibet wherein Brad Pitt is advised, "If there is something you can do, do it and stop worrying. If there is nothing you can do, there is no point in worrying." There is precious little that I can do to shape tomorrow beyond my own physical confines, so just let it ride, baby, and take the swells and dips as they crash over the bow.

Ahh. That's better.

In case all this wet weather we're having should cause the waterways to flood, and thus cast the Submarine from it's moorings, I've been semi-deputized to evacuate any visitors and close the ship. Not that this fact is particularly interesting in any way, but heck, why not mention it? Indeed, there are few things that would amuse me more than watching our beautiful ship float away from the shore, even if it meant that I would be out of work for a while. Everyone who works here has dreams about this very scenario, and most of the time they end poorly.

Sigh. A man can dream, can't he? Yes, he can.

Let it be clearly understood that life does indeed consist at least partly of immense suckage. However, the sight of "President" Bush, digitally reconfigured by the enemy to look like a Ferengi and used as a graphic on Iraqi television, should at least give us hope that whatever entity is running the show, be it God or Bob or simple Chaos, it does like to brighten things up occasionally.

Of course, the Evil Fate Lemur sabotaged Tak's personal espresso maker so that an in-class demonstration on How To Make A Proper Latte turned into a vaguely embarassing ramble about how you should never center your entire speech around one particular mechanical device, especially one with a history of misbehaviour.

What impresses me is that that was all one sentence. I know I've written a longer one somewhere, but I'd have to dig through the archives, and right now all I want to do is collapse with "Paranoid Android" skimming through my semi-conscious brain.

Hmmm, last update was delayed by inexplicable, well, delays on the part of Pyra. Of course, having been purchased by the now omnipresent Google, I suppose a few things were bound to be fsked up.

"Size of protest - it's like deciding, well, I'm going to decide policy based upon a focus group. The role of a leader is to decide policy based upon the security, in this case, the security of the people."

"Yesterday, Bush referred scornfully to giving Saddam 'another, 'nother, 'nother last chance' to comply with prior U.N. resolutions demanding that Iraq disarm." - The New York Times

Thank you, Mr. Bush, for clearing that up. Those lines should speak for themselves. What is most irritating about this entire debate is that both sides - the peacenicks and the warmongers - are ignoring history. We'd better start getting used to the word occupation, because that's what this will be. To be brutally honest, Afghanistan wasn't really a country the way we think of them, so our "war" against the Taliban was more of a police action than a state-vs-state slugfest. But with Iraq, we're talking about waging a real war against a soverign nation with the intention of rebuilding their infrastructure and introducing a new system of government. The only previous examples we have of this that are really applicable are Germany and Japan. Following WWII, the U.S. and allies proceeded to invest an incredible amount of time and money into creating democracy where various forms of dictatorship had once existed. And now look at them! Two of the most powerful industrial economies in the world, shining examples of freedom and democratic governance, our investment has paid off one thousand fold in wealth and in humanity.

Our war will no doubt increase the risk of terrorism in the short term. But in the long term, which only economists and liberal wonks seem to be interested in, a free and democratic Iraq will prove that governments that work through fear and religious opression are what have been keeping the Arab world from joining the 21st century. Germany and Japan prove that it can be done, but what scares me is that no one in the current Administration seems to have even begun to formulate a Marshall Plan for the middle east, a definite blueprint for what comes after the bombs are done falling. American occupation does not have to be a disaster.

What'd be really neat is if the Opposition were to draft just such a document. Then it could be subject to rigorous public scrutiny and debate, and if a final version were to be approved by Congress and presented to the U.N., it would go an awful long way towards assuring our allies that we really do mean well.

Hoo-freakin-ray. Now all the Opposition needs to do is, well, oppose Bush. But having fifteen hundred candidates for the Presidency in 2004 will not help, gentlemen. May the best man or woman win, and all that jazz, but let's stop screwing around here and get down to some serious politicking. (Wow, never thought I'd say that.) I want issues! I want legislation! I want debate! I want pie!

Happy News Bulletin: My friend Wonko the Sane is being wed to his longtime squeeze this coming midsummer. Joy to you and your next thouand kin, dear lad.

O thoughtless thoughts, leave my weary mind and torture some other plodding soul...

Yesterday the Battle for the American Dream was joined by millions of people in dozens of major cities all over the world. Protesting against the impending war, the great, not-so-silent majority lent their much-needed weight to the anti-war movement here at home. AND there was a story in the paper about how top GOP leaders are starting to get fed up with the Bush White House's lack of leadership. But wasn't leadership the only real thing this (to borrow the words of Thompson) goofy child-President had going for him? His influence beyond the cabal of politicos that surround him 1,440 minutes a day seems to be on the wane, his plan for Iraq and the rest of the middle east is unraveling, and more and more people every day are finding the moral courage to move beyond their unthinking patriotic reverence.

On a happier note, a nice fat snowstorm waddled up to the northeastern U.S.A. and is currently squeezing out between one and two feet of magical white powder, turning highways into hilarious Slip-N-Slides™ full of terrified SUV owners. They know in their black hearts that these are precisely the kind of conditions that their vaunted 4-wheel Traction Lock ABS computer-enhanced handling packages are for, yet they cower in naked fear behind their leather-trimmed steering wheels. A few young Jeeps passed me up on the way home from work, but they were the daring exceptions. Perhaps, just perhaps I will finally get to go sledding, which has not happened in a period of time just slightly less than forever. "Snow snow snow, we love snow, fun fun fun, snow snow snow..."

Watching The West Wing always depresses me, because it reminds me of everything our current administration is not: principled, intelligent, accountable, responsible, and most of all, legitimate.

To combat these feelings of rage and horror, a shuffle on the CD player between Flogging Molly, Toad The Wet Sprocket, The Amazing Crowns, Moby, and jazz does the trick. And also a quote from President Bartlett, probably mangled a bit, but pay attention all you young revolutionaries: "Never doubt that a group of intelligent, caring people can change the world." Actually, I'm sure that I've mangled it beyond hope of recognition, but the idea gets across. Of course, I can't check in with the West Wing chatroom on the MSN web site, because if you don't use Windoze you're obviously not smart or important enough to participate. Argh, Microsoft, you just made me angry.

Well, on a happier note I've decided to regale my speech class with a ten minute presentation on how to make a proper cappucino, and why filthy Starbuck's should not be held as the gold standard in coffee-based concoctions. Stop drinking it like swine at a rusty trough, people! Wow, I must have a lot of rage tonight, or something. Better go blow shit up in Starcraft. Ah, trusty, reliable Starcraft...

Germany, France, Belgium: The Axis of Impotence. Thanks John Stewart, I like that one. Although the arguments are not as simple as they may seem, France is essentially afraid of the consequences of our forthcoming invasion. For one, they're a hell of a lot closer to the action than we are. Two, their own oil interests would be terribly disrupted, which will impact the whole of the European economy in ways that no one can predict. What saddens me is that this entire situation is happening for the wrong reasons. I support the war and believe it is necessary, but the Crown Loyalists aren't motivated by anything as pure and saintly as Concern for the Common Man. The French are perfectly justified in their opposition to war, as is any sane Human Being, but it comes off as snobbish obstructionism for it's own sake. Americans as a people may be well liked, but the current Government is making itself dangerously unpopular with the rest of the world.

Vote them out of office in 2004.

Quick Add: There's another new link in the bar on your left. This is such a perfect, fabulous illustration of the power of modern communications that it almost gives me hope.

What a monsterous peice of work. I just finished reading Kingdom of Fear, but the work I refer to is not Thompson's book. Rather, it's his life, and the fact that a man like that could live freely in this land we call America because he understood the fundamental principles at work here, namely the idea that any idiot lucky enough to be born on the right side of the border ought to be guaranteed a peice of the Freedom Pie. Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness, whatever that means to you. Thompson claims that Doom has finally swept down from it's perch to cast our world into eternal shadow, and that the Forces of Evil won their greatest victory, turned the tide a-la Midway, on November 7 in the most foul year of 2000. It's hard not to believe him.

My damned generation will be the one to deal with the havoc Bush and his cabal have and will wreak, not just on our country's physical infrastructure but on it's very soul. The Battle for the American Dream is still being fought, although there is evidence to suggest that it's continuation is mere formality at this point. But just by thinking, by using your brain you too can join the fight, and if enough of us fight back we can beat these greed heads. Not at their own game, for they've had far too long to polish their technique, and as poor Ralph Nader demonstrated for us, any jumped-up punk who even looks threatening will be beaten mercilessly by the Machine. They will tear great strips from your hide and roast your organs, pouring out libations to the gods of Commerce and Power while they tell your family how nice it was to work with you.

The Pot Stirrers, the Agitators of the Pundit Press, can and should be roundly ignored. Simple rage can drive a man to act, but if his brain is full of stupid lies he will run smack into the wall of Professional spinsters and lobbyists that are paid to guard the reigns of power. What is more dangerous than ever now is knowledge, not just facts and figures but true understanding of the hideous realities that surround us. That must be the aim of all thinking people if we wish to combat the madness of humanity in the next hundred years.

Today at work, like some sinister pusher Tak hands me a CD full of Clone High candy. So guess what I spent all night doing? Watching cartoons (besides the Simpsons) has become more broadly accepted as cool, so long as they're repleat with dark humor and dirty wackiness. I think it's fantastic, and hopefully some of these shows will get the attention they deserve. The episode of Harvey Birdman: Attourney at Law where Fred Flinstone is a mob boss was downright inspired. And I am endeavoring to tape the episode of Futurama that features Al Gore, Nichelle Nichols, Deep Blue, Gary Gygax, and Stephen Hawking failing to save the universe. "I'm a tenth level vice president." Genius

Visitors on the Submarine today were particularly ape-like. There is a long-standing and eminently sane policy which does not allow Visitors to operate any of the equipment (steering wheels, lights, fuse panels) on board, partly because it's almost 60 years old and behaves in irrational ways. Tak recently secured several levers in the electrical distribution room so that people could no longer move them when the room is unsupervised, and I watched Visitors become so frustrated with the levers' unnatural immobility that they turned, like caged apes, to operating every other control that was in their reach. I swear upon all that is unholy that one of them actually grunted, vocalizing their annoyance in the primitive, gutteral pre-Man tongue of our ancestors.

Indeed. I purchased the latest from one Hunter S. Thompson a few days ago, and his writing always has an effect on my own. And while I firmly believe everything I've said about Lemurs, I do so mainly because it amuses me. I do not have any current plans for placing electro-shock fencing over all the windows in the house and installing armed guards to keep the Beast away from me. That would be a bit much.

But perhaps a friendly warning sign...

I used to get Deja Vu so bad it made me physically ill, as though my temporal existance was literally being displaced in the space-time continuum. It's less frequent now, and you could put it down to any number of things: pre-cognition, past lives, mind-controlling Fairy Princesses. My own feeling is that it's a dire warning to avoid becoming too settled, too familiar with your life the way it is, because if there are no more surprises then there's no point to living.

And yes, this "life" thing seems to be going quite swimmingly for the time being. Recall, however, the nature of Fate (okay, this is the last time) and how it works both ways. All things, even the universe itself, oscillate between the darkness and the light. Time will see to the end of the universe, but for now, we get to play around a bit.

Yes, I knew it. The Lemur ran amok this morning, spreading disease throughout the College and forcing the girl (let's give her a name. Clytemnestra? Too long. She dances, so... Grace) to stay in bed. It's a petty hinderance, and it just goes to prove my point; Fate gets a hot thrill out of fucking with us. Fate enjoys this sort of thing. But the more attention I pay to It, the more powerful It becomes, so I'm done talking about the fuzzy bugger. You hear that, beast? Is it true that Lemurs become absolutely savage when they feel they're being ignored? Or am I a paranoid jackass who makes things up merely to entertain himself?

Allright, Universe, you win. I give up.

Backstory: Straight out of high school my grades sucked, so it was no suprise that when I applied to the University of Anytown, I didn't get in. Four years later IN THE YEAR 2003 I'm busy at a College, trying to earn enough credits to transfer to U. of A. Tonight, after three separate rejection letters, the U. of A. admissions office calls and says "You're in!"

Up down up down. Fate has ADD. I think it's doing this to tease me. You're teasing me, aren't you, Evil Ring-Tailed Lemur Demon? Yes, I can smell the deception on your hideous breath.

Fate is an evil, misshapen beast, with the trunk of a man and the torso of, oh, let's say a lemur. It's eyes glow crimson with a demonic inner fire, the insatiable need to rend and destroy everything it touches. Fangs drip with the blood from the heart of it's latest victim, and it waits, watching you go through your days with sinister patience. And then, just when things start to swim your way, before you can blink the demon lunges for your chest and digs it's inch-long ivory claws into your guts. A fresh victim.

The girl graduates in May, then moves to New York. This sort of thing happens with disturbing, depressing regularity.

In yet another act of dastardly consumption, I purchased Zwan's Mary Star of the Sea two days ago. "Honestly," the radio single, is quite catchy, and there's a lot of other good stuff as well. It comes with a DVD too, but I'll have to wait until my SuperDrive-equipped PowerBook Pallas arrives to actually check it out. Heh, I've owned DVDs for about two years now, and I'm just getting my first player. That's called planning ahead. Or just being stupidly optimistic.

Also, mad props go out to today for being good. My short oration in Speech Class was quite well recieved, and I had coffee with a girl whom I will now be having dinner with on Thurs. Not even a hideous quiz in Constitutional Law class could ruin that one. Fate will conspire, no doubt, to ruin this latest chance at love, as Fate has in the past. But for this precise instant today is good.

Hm. According to Mike Wallace, and a whole lot of other people, North Korea is the dictatorial shithole of the world. It's like this Jong-Il dude read 1984 and thought, "Hey, now that's the way to run a society!" Big Brother controls all media, and to a degree all thought, as well as the total resources of the state. 60%, three of every five human beings in N. Korea will die of malnutrition or starvation as children.

Here's my Solution for the Good and Glory of Mankind: The U.S. military ranges through Iraq and completely destroys all armored opposition within two months. Once Saddam is out, we can put in peacekeeping and nation-building forces, then take that massive body of trained and experienced troops, pilots, and sailors, and aim it squarely at N. Korea. Give their government the same ultimatum; "Disarm or get stomped." No dictator can survive if they lose face, so once Jong-Il is gone, reunite the peninsula and save twenty million lives.

Sure, then we can build a new Palestine and make wirled peas. Tasty.

It shouldn't be that shocking that Columbia blew up with all hands. After all, we've lost countless planes and helicopters in routine missions within a few thousand feet of the ground; these jokers regularly fly into outer space. I think it hurts because we think of astronauts as the upper-tip-top .00005% of the population, people who are both incredibly intelligent and crazy enough to strap on several million pounds of explosives in the name of science and human acheivment. We should mourn their passing, but keep in mind that the Navy/Marine V-22 Osprey has killed more people than anything NASA has done in it's existance. Whenever we hear of an Osprey crash, in the back of our minds we giggle and say "Gee, those military types really screwed up again, didn't they?" But just as many sons and daughters were lost, and the damn thing still doesn't work right.

Perspective sucks.